07-12-2010

Baby Steps

I pray that my period is about to start, which would help explain why I’m so full of self loathing today. Yeah, being premenstrual would be appreciated, because if not, holy crap, something is wrong with me! I’m consumed with self doubt. And worry. And feeling like I’m not good enough. And what have I done with my life? Who the hell am I? Really? Who am I? Is this it if for me? Vacuuming, cleaning up messes, shopping for groceries, and running errands? Is this it? Why do I feel so old all of a sudden? Maybe it is because my birthday is lurking around the corner….38 years old. This year, year 38, it catches in my throat a bit. 38. Oh boy, 38.

I love being a mom, I do. I love my girl and I can’t wait to fall in love with my future girl/boy, but I need more than this. And so I’m trying. Trying to start a photography business. Forcing myself to take the steps. I have a website. I’m doing shoots. I’m working on it. I am working through being scared and nervous and having daily pep talks with myself. Though I will admit to also berating myself almost as often! I’m forcing myself to move forward.

I would say that I’m going to document my journey of starting my business, and I would like to, but really, I’m not going to make any promises. BUT, I’m going to try. If I do, hopefully, I won’t drive you crazy with my whining….because there will be whining!

show hide 9 comments

Kelley O - I know exactly how you feel. xxxxxx

Jo - So do I But I’m very excited for you – you are SOOO talented!

Bobbi Jo - I feel the same way, only it’s not a photog business, something else I’ve concocted in the last year. Fear, it sucks!!

I can’t wait to see what you’re up to. PLEASE share your journey. I know you will be wildly successful because you have amazing TALENT!!

wendyz - Hugs Shelb. It’ll all come clear. 38 is one of the best years – you are the “Captain of the 30s” – at least that’s what me & my friends say! xo

Tracie - Stop it right now. You are fantastic and so very young. Yes, young. I know this because I am 10 years older then you and I can’t be old yet. Nope. 38 is a babe. I wish I could be 38 again. Wow–but ya know, with what I know now and what I have now. Hmm. Can’t do that? Oh well. Okay then. I am still moving forward with a young heart and pretending my joints don’t ache and my hair isn’t turning white. Heh. Use this next decade to do great things because if you don’t, you will be my age (48 this year) and feeling these same things and kicking yourself for not leaping when you were so young! There is all of this room and time for learning new things and redefining yourself. You can do it. You WILL do it! I believe in you. Your work is brilliant. You are a fantabulous woman. Chin up Shelba. Don’t throw in the towel yet. Indulge in something decadent and ride the PMS wave and feel better about yourself tomorrow because you are so worth believing in and your work is so worth making and sharing.

Lori - Yeah! So excited for you! You know I think you are an amazing photographer.

And I’ve been doing this for 12 years and still have days where I think I suck. And what am I doing? And wow, I’m just so overwhelmed I can’t do anything.

And I’m 41! LOL

jules - well I don’t doubt you!! I think you are sooo incredibly talented and wish I had half of your talent.

You will have an amazing business, it is always a little scary, and all of us are full of self doubt when we start something new, but you will do great….just know it.

Well I just turned 43 last week, and so you can’t be old!!! I would love to be 38 again:)

chin up , posture straight and head held high….you can do anything!!!!

carosgram - I am excited that you are going to actually start your own business! It takes a lot of guts to do so and I am sure you are going to be a success, both commercial and personal. Enjoy yourself and the people you will meet. thinking of you and wishing you the best

Mama Gringa - Shelba, we all hear you. Because we have all been there – some of us have taken the leap of faith in ourselves and the universe and gone where our heart desires and then there are others who are still afraid, still doubting themselves and wondering where life has gone. We all know that you are in the first group. The group that is scared but doing it anyway. I should know, I am in that group too. Feeling it with you.

Note that you are FABULOUS at what you do. You will always have people around you to support and believe in you. Now it’s your turn to start believing in yourself. Period or no period. ;o)

Love and hugs from Peru
L

The Bionic Valentine » Shelba, The Bionic Valentine

Baby Steps