The Bionic Valentine » Shelba, The Bionic Valentine

I pray that my period is about to start, which would help explain why I’m so full of self loathing today. Yeah, being premenstrual would be appreciated, because if not, holy crap, something is wrong with me! I’m consumed with self doubt. And worry. And feeling like I’m not good enough. And what have I done with my life? Who the hell am I? Really? Who am I? Is this it if for me? Vacuuming, cleaning up messes, shopping for groceries, and running errands? Is this it? Why do I feel so old all of a sudden? Maybe it is because my birthday is lurking around the corner….38 years old. This year, year 38, it catches in my throat a bit. 38. Oh boy, 38.

I love being a mom, I do. I love my girl and I can’t wait to fall in love with my future girl/boy, but I need more than this. And so I’m trying. Trying to start a photography business. Forcing myself to take the steps. I have a website. I’m doing shoots. I’m working on it. I am working through being scared and nervous and having daily pep talks with myself. Though I will admit to also berating myself almost as often! I’m forcing myself to move forward.

I would say that I’m going to document my journey of starting my business, and I would like to, but really, I’m not going to make any promises. BUT, I’m going to try. If I do, hopefully, I won’t drive you crazy with my whining….because there will be whining!

Earlier today I had a massive case of cranky pants. I had zero patience and just was not fun to be around. Ask my girl, she would agree. Anyways, I’ve since adjusted my attitude, apologized to my girl, and today is ending on a better note than it started. Thank goodness.

Zorba dug up these rocks in her Meme’s garden yesterday and quickly got them to the sink to rinse them off.   They made her so happy that she wanted me to photograph them for her.  A good reminder to stop and enjoy the simple things, yes?

My girl and I are in Mississippi enjoying a little break from the Texas heat. Hah! It is really just as hot in MS as it is in TX, but for some reason I find it more bearable here. Is it the humidity? Could I actually like the humidity? It is nice here because my parents have a pool and well, we have my parents. Going back to TX means going back to the real world of keeping my house clean and cooking dinners. But it also means going back to Ray, so for him we will be heading back to the real world soon.